Confidence Hack: Stop Negative Self Talk in its Tracks

Posted on June 15, 2017 · Leave a Comment

Yesterday we talked about negative thoughts and negative self-talk, what causes them and how they can sabotage us in our efforts to become more courageous and self-confident. I shared a few ideas with you about stopping these negative thoughts, but thought you could use a few more tools for this in your mental toolbox. That’s what today’s confidence hack is all about – stopping negative self-talk in its track. The earlier you can catch it and the faster you can stop it, the better.

Be On The Lookout

This is why it’s important to always be on the lookout for negative self-talk. Often we let it go on without realizing what we’re doing. We can’t take control of it unless we start to notice it. Start monitoring those internal monologues for negative thoughts so you can spot them quickly and deal with them appropriately.

Give It A Name

Start by giving a name and personality to that negative voice in your head. Call it the nag, the critic… whatever name feels right to you. Don’t be afraid to make it a silly name. It will help you take a lot of the power and influence that little voice in your head currently has right out of it. It will also help you to quickly notice what’s going on and stop it. “There goes Bob again…”

Put It In Perspective

Things are always worse in our head, aren’t they? That’s why we think when we do something embarrassing it seems so much worse than when someone else does it. That’s why it’s important to put that conversation that’s going on in your head into perspective. Instead of blowing up the negative and thinking that you ruined your relationship or career because of one little blunder or embarrassing moment, bring it down to what it really was… you said something stupid, or spilled coffee all over yourself in front of someone important. Here are some ideas for putting things into perspective:

  • Imagine if this happened to someone else… would you think it was a big deal?
  • Look around you. Are people laughing or looking outraged? If you don’t get a huge reaction, it wasn’t that big of a deal.
  • Talk it through with a good friend. They’ll help you put it into perspective.
  • Put a positive or at least neutral spin on it. At least you were memorable or no one will think about this next week.

Condition Yourself With A Rubber Band

If you’re struggling to catch the negative self-talk early and spiral down into negative thoughts instead before you can catch it, there’s a quick trick you can use to get into the habit of catching it early quickly. The main thing is to make yourself stop as soon as you realize that negative self-talk has taken hold. A quick way to do that is to use a rubber band. Put it around your wrist (make sure it’s not too tight), and as soon as you catch the negative self-talk, snap the rubber band. It won’t take long before you will notice the negative self-talk as soon as it starts and you won’t need to use the rubber band again.

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Time To Talk About Negative Thinking and Negative Self-Talk

Posted on June 14, 2017 · Leave a Comment

In yesterday’s challenge post I talked about hearing that little voice in your head that tells you that you don’t need to do this, shouldn’t have to do this, or can’t do this anyway so why even try. These are examples of negative thinking and negative self-talk. While we are still working on improving our self-confidence and courage, it’s not uncommon to have quite a bit of this negative thinking going on.

It’s an internal protection mechanism of sorts. When we are lacking confidence, we aren’t actually sure we can do what we set out to do. Our mind then tries to protect us by talking us out of giving it a try. After all, if you don’t try, you can’t fail, right? At least that’s how our confidence-lacking subconscious thinks.

On a rational level, we know never trying is just as bad as or even worse than trying and failing. When we try and fail, we always learn something. Taking risks is part of a happy, productive life and it’s what builds courage and confidence.

Now that we know why we think these negative thoughts and try to talk ourselves out of the things we actually want to do, let’s go over some strategies for silencing these voices. Before we do that, I want to tell you that as your courage and self-confidence starts to increase, those voices will start to fade away on their own. In other words, this isn’t something you’ll have to battle or work on throughout your life. Sure, negative self-talk and negative thinking will pop up here and there, but overall it won’t be a struggle in the long run.

The first step is to simply acknowledge it’s there and it isn’t something that’s helpful or productive. I want you to realize it’s ok to simply ignore that little voice in the back of your head when it’s warning you of failure and trying to talk you into not even trying. While there are certainly times when that same voice serves a good purpose (like talking you out of jumping from a bridge), it doesn’t benefit you when it tries to talk you out of going for run in the morning.

Another good strategy is to prepare counter arguments. You know the voice in your head isn’t completely rational and helpful. Focus instead on everything you have to gain from doing it anyway, or look at all the times you’ve succeeded in the past.

The most important lesson I want you to take away from today’s post is that this negative thinking and self-talk will happen and it’s something you need to look out for. Once you know what it is, it’s much easier to dismiss it and get to work.

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Confidence Hack: Do It Anyway

Posted on June 13, 2017 · Leave a Comment

Yesterday we talked about having bad days and setbacks and how they are normal and part of life. In other words, we all have days when we just don’t want to, or days when we hear that little voice in the back of our head that tells us that we’re wasting our time. On those days, I want you to employ today’s confidence hack which is to do it anyway.

That sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? You may even be wondering right now what type of advice this is. Stay with me, I promise it will start to make sense, and there’s a little more to it then to telling you to just get over yourself and get stuff done.

There is a lot to be said about taking action and creating momentum. Getting started is often the hardest part, isn’t it? Think back on a day when you really didn’t want to go out for a walk or run in the morning. Instead of staying in bed and sleeping in, you made yourself get up, put on your shoes and by the time you were out the door and starting to move your body, it got easier to keep going. You may even have felt happy that you made yourself do it. At the very least you felt relieved and proud by the time you got back.

This is what I mean about doing it anyway. This concept of getting started and creating momentum works in all areas of your life. It works just as well for exercising as it does for taking are of a big pile of laundry or a dreaded task at work. The key is to get started by doing it anyway.

When you have one of those days where you don’t want to do anything but sleep in or lay on the couch bingeing Netflix, think about what you should be doing today and pick the easiest item on the list. Do that to create some momentum. If you’re procrastinating tackling a big project, break it down into baby steps, or pick one small part of it that’s quick and easy to do. Go do that to … you guessed it… create some momentum.

Hopefully this is enough to get you over that initial hump and turn things around for you. If it isn’t, there are some other things you can try. Make that list of tasks you can check of that we’ve talked about in a previous post. Not only does it feel great to check things off the list, it also forces you to break bigger tasks up into smaller, more manageable, and less intimidating chunks.

Last but not least, try bribing yourself. You can spend the rest of the afternoon bingeing Netflix, if you get the yard cleaned up first. Come up with something fun and meaningful as a treat or bribe for yourself and start getting things done. I promise you’ll feel a big boost in confidence if you can make yourself do it anyway.

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Bad Days and Setbacks Are Part of Life

Posted on June 12, 2017 · Leave a Comment

So far we’ve talked a lot about different ways to boost our self-confidence and how to feel better about ourselves. While that’s certainly important, there will be bad days and there will be times when we suffer setbacks. No one is confident and courageous every single day of their life. No matter how much self-confidence you possess, there will be days where you’re feeling low and there will be times when your feeling of self-worth is tested. It is part of life and it’s ok. Let’s take a look at why it’s ok and how to work through these bad days and setbacks that are part of life for all of us.

Without The Dark We Wouldn’t Notice The Light

I know it sounds cliché, but without the dark, we wouldn’t really appreciate the light. We need some bad times and setbacks in our lives because they make us appreciate the good times even more than before. Let’s use day and night as a metaphor and example. If it didn’t get dark, and you didn’t have to make it through the long, cold night, you wouldn’t appreciate the beautiful sunrise in the morning, or how those mid-day rays of sunshine warm your skin.

The same holds true for the tough times. They make it seem that much sweeter when we are confident and proud of what we’re accomplishing. We gain a lot of strength and confidence when we make it through a tough day or week. Pay attention as you work your way through it and notice those first few signs of “light”. Take pride in them and appreciate them. They are signs that things are about to turn around for you.  Take the time to enjoy and really appreciate the good days.

Working Your Way Back To Confidence

Of course the first step is to work your way back to your confident and courageous self. Take baby steps, but force yourself to do something, no matter how small, to improve your self-confidence. Use the tools, strategies, and hacks I’ve shared with you already and will continue to share with you throughout the remainder of this challenge to make that happen.

Yesterday we talked about journaling and how a simple journal can be used as a self-confidence tool. When you’re going through a tough time, grab that journal. Use the writing as a way to work through what’s happening. Read back through older entries and see for yourself how much you’ve accomplished and what you’re already capable of. Then make a plan, set some goals, jot down a list and start checking things off… take action, take pride in your actions, and take back  your self-confidence and courage.

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Confidence Hack: Keep a Journal

Posted on June 11, 2017 · Leave a Comment

It’s time for another confidence hack. These are the simple, and easy to implement little tips and ideas that I will continue to share with you throughout this 30 Day Challenge. I encourage you to give each of them a try as I share them. Try them once or even better, implement them for a few days and see how you feel about it. If it’s helpful, keep using the hack. If it doesn’t work for you, there are plenty of other tips and ideas along the way. The goal is to have a handful of tools at the end of the challenge that will help you continue with the new self-confidence and courage habits you’re building this month.

My tip for you today is to keep a journal. There are a couple of good reasons why you should start writing a journal and how it can help you.

The first is that it increases awareness and mindfulness. Sitting down to record what you’ve done and how you feel in a journal makes you stop and think about your day. Putting what has happened into words gives you time for reflection and a deeper understanding of everything going on. Writing or journaling can help you work through issues and problems and come up with new solutions, or at the very least a better understanding of them. It’s much easier to be confident and even courageous when we understand what’s happening.

Having a journal also gives you a record of what you’ve accomplished. If you’re feeling low and could use a boost in self-confidence, grab your journal and start browsing. It’s so easy to forget all those small successes and wins as time goes by. Keeping a journal where you record everything you are proud of is a great resource to have when you need to increase your confidence in yourself and what you can do.

How you keep your journal is up to you. Some people prefer to write in a notebook with a favorite pen. Others are much more comfortable typing away at the computer. Find a medium that’s comfortable for you and get in the habit of journaling daily. The format is up to you as well. Journal entries don’t have to be long, or take a lot of time to write. You can jot down a few bullets or lines that will serve as a memory aid for what happened that day. Or you can sit down and write long entries if that’s something you enjoy and if it’s something you find helpful. The most important part is that you start and figure out what type of journaling is right for you. Then make it a daily habit so you have it as a resource to build your courage and increase your self-confidence.

Don’t Miss a Post!

Catch up on any posts you miss during the challenge. Here’s the link: confidence and courage challenge posts.

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